Vice Versa
by Agent Malkere
Summary: An accident lands Naruto and Kakashi in an alternate reality where the Akatsuki are rebel freedom fighters and Konoha is under the tyrannical reign of the Rokudaime Hokage - Iruka Umino.
1. Chapter 1

_**Vice Versa**_

_By Agent Malkere _

**Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine. It is very sad, but very true. **

_**Chapter One**_

Naruto groaned as he sat up. His head was pounding like some unseen blacksmith was using it as an anvil, and his stomach lurched and heaved. He had no idea what that jutsu had been or what exactly it had done, but when he got his hands on that missing-nin, he was going to _kick his ass_. He blinked at his surroundings. What the-? This wasn't where he'd been when he blacked out! He'd been in a wide field by a river, not in the middle of a clearing in a forest! And where was everybody? Naruto twisted around as he scanned the small clearing for any sign of his teammates.

No sign of Sakura or Sai but Kakashi was crumpled on the grass behind him in a boneless heap. The jounin's hitai-ite was missing, and he was bleeding heavily from a gash about an inch below his hairline. Naruto swore under his breath. Head wounds were always bad news, especially with no Sakura in sight.

Naruto stiffened as his ears picked up a slight rustling in the tree leaves that seemed out of place. He was on his feet in an instant, kunai in hand. His stomach lurched again, bile stinging the back of his throat, and his vision blurred slightly in protest to the sudden movement. There was another soft rustle from the leaves and then a figure dropped down from the foliage. He casually deflected the kunai that Naruto hurtled at his face.

"Don't bother – we've got you surrounded," the man stated calmly. His coal black eyes tracked Naruto's movements carefully. "Who are you and why are you here?"

Naruto glared at him and shifted so that he was standing between the stranger and Kakashi, who still hadn't so much as stirred.

"My name is Naruto Uzumaki and I have no idea where the hell 'here' is!" he snapped.

There was another soft noise as someone else dropped to the ground behind Naruto. Naruto twisted slightly and caught a glimpse of a red haired man somewhere in his late thirties or forties.

"Does he look sort of familiar to anyone else?" asked the red haired man. Naruto noted that he had a Suna hitai-ite tied around his neck and four fairly large scrolls strapped to his back. The scrolls reminded Naruto of the ones that Kankuro used these days to hold his puppets.

"What do you mean?" asked the first man. He wore no hitai-ite and his dark brown hair fell to his shoulders, but Naruto thought that there was something familiar about the guy. He just couldn't quite put his finger on what it was.

"I mean, don't you think he looks a bit like," the red headed man hesitated, "Kitsune?"

The first man scrutinized Naruto for a moment.

"A bit, I guess," he admitted, "but look at his eyes – they're blue, not red."

"No, Sasori's got a point," interrupted a third voice, and Naruto stiffened as the name began to ring alarm bells in his head. "He's even got the whisker marks!"

Another figure dropped from the trees on Naruto's left, but this time Naruto recognized him instantly because there really aren't that many blue, seven foot tall shark-men with giant swords running around the countryside.

"Holy shit! Kisame!"

"Hey! He knows who I am!" the blue shark-man exclaimed in delight.

"Kisame, everybody in Fire Country knows who you are," commented the first man dryly. "Your appearance is rather… distinctive."

Kisame stuck his tongue out.

"You're just jealous that he didn't recognize you first."

"Not at all – I have far fewer wanted posters up than you. I'm rather less memorable. And the vague description of 'tall and blue' does not instantly single me out from a crowd."

Kisame snorted. He wasn't wearing his Akatsuki robes but a simple shirt that crossed at the front and was held shut by a wide sash. Instead of his scratched out hitai-ite symbolizing his missing-nin status, a black scarf was tied around his head.

"What the hell? Wait a minute!" Gears clicked in Naruto's head and offered up the information that he'd previously been trying to access. "_Sasori?_ As in Sasori of Suna, the puppet master?" The red headed man inclined his head. "But you're _DEAD_! Sakura and old lady Chiyo killed you after you and that Deidara guy kidnapped Gaara and almost killed him!"

Sasori frowned.

"I would never do such a thing to Kazekage-sama!"

Naruto continued, not really hearing him,

"And- And- wait, how do you guys _not_ know who I am?"

"What do you mean?" asked Kisame.

"Um, you know, the whole hunting down all the tailed beasts so Akatsuki can take over the world with some crackpot scheme involving the ten tailed beast supposedly hiding in the moon? You and your creepy partner were assigned to capture the nine tailed fox, as in, me? Any of this ringing a bell?"

The three men stared at him blankly.

"We are in Akatsuki, yes, but we're not trying to rake over the world. We're fighting against the tyranny of Konoha and the oppressive rule of the Rokudaime Hokage," stated Sasori slowly, his eyebrows drawn together.

"How can you be the container of the nine tailed demon?" asked the first man. "Kitsune is Konoha's jinchuriki."

"Um, it's kind of obvious that I – " Naruto cut himself off as he finally recognized the first man. "_Itachi?_" How could he have not recognized those face wrinkles?

"There's something strange going on here," muttered Itachi. "Who's your friend? There's something familiar about him…."

Naruto snorted and rolled his eyes.

"Well, duh, you only mangekyo sharingan-ed him into a coma for a month." Itachi's frown deepened. "It's Sharingan Kakashi, remember?"

No flash of enlightenment or understanding flitted across Itachi's face.

"I don't have the mangekyo sharingan," he stated solemnly. "It requires more of a sacrifice than I am willing to make."

"Like hell you don't!" snapped Naruto. "And how can you _not_ recognize him? It's Kakashi Hatake, for pity's sake!"

Itachi's eyes widened slightly and his mouth fell open a tad. Next to him, Kisame sucked in a startled breath, his eyes widening as well.

"Kakashi _Hatake_?" Itachi repeated in disbelief.

"You told me about him," Kisame murmured. "But I thought he was – ?"

"He is," Itachi muttered. He made a small hand gesture and suddenly Naruto found himself pinned to a tree by Kisame and Sasori. He was still feeling woozy from that initial jutsu that had landed him here, and it was screwing with his reflexes. Naruto growled when he spotted Itachi kneeling next to Kakashi. There was a strange, dazed look on Itachi's face.

He tilted Kakashi's head to get a better look at the older man's face, placed two fingers against his throat to feel for a pulse, and then clasped his hands together in a seal and muttered, '_Kai!_' He sat back on his heels, looking decidedly more pale than before.

"It's him. It's really him. But this is impossible! I saw the bodies! I _helped cut them down!_" Itachi shook his head and straightened up. "Kisame, carry Kakashi-sempai. Sasori, help me with – Naruto, was it? We're taking them back to the base. There's something strange going on here, and I'm going to find out what."

_A/N: Feedback is always welcome! I love hearing what people think! Chapters will be getting longer as the story continues. Hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading!_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: This chapter is dedicated to the seven fantastic people who reviewed the first chapter! Thank you all so much! Because of your kind and encouraging words, I'm updating much sooner than I had intended to!_

_**Chapter Two**_

Naruto reluctantly walked between Itachi and Sasori. Until his reflexes were functioning properly, he didn't have a prayer against these guys. Plus, Kisame had Kakashi, and Naruto was fairly sure that they'd have no qualms about hurting him if Naruto tried anything. And also, Naruto wanted to know what the hell was going on, too. None of this made any sense! His first thought had been genjutsu, but that couldn't be it because a) this was way too complicated to be a genjutsu, and b) according to the bingo book, the missing-nin they'd been fighting before all this happened was particularly weak in genjutsu.

After about ten minutes of walking, the group stopped front of a large thicket of dense bushes clustered against a cliff face. Kisame pushed aside some of the leafy branches to reveal a tunnel through the foliage. He ducked into the passage, almost having to fold himself in half to fit. At Sasori and Itachi's urging, Naruto followed.

The tunnel was about ten feet long, and Naruto could hear Kisame muttering curses underneath his breath the entire way. When he reached the cliff face, Kisame shifted his hold on Kakashi so he had one hand free and placed his palm against the rock. The stone directly around his hand glowed blue for a brief moment, then cracks appeared in the cliff face in the approximate shape of a door. With a faint creak, the door swung inwards to reveal a clean, lighted hallway. Kisame shuffled in and then straightened up with a groan.

"Man, I _hate_ using that entrance – I just don't fit!"

"It was the only entrance close enough to our position to be convenient," stated Itachi as he stepped through the door after Naruto.

"Yeah, I know, but that doesn't mean I have to like it."

Sasori rolled his eyes as he pushed the door firmly shut behind them with a snap. The puppet master gave Naruto a light shove between the shoulder blades to start him walking again.

The hall was fairly wide – enough so for three people to walk comfortably abreast – with white walls and a white floor which gave it a slightly clinical feel. After about twenty feet, the hall opened up into a large, high ceilinged room that Naruto thought might have been a cave before it got refurbished.

" 'Tachi-kun, Sushi-kun! You got back early! Did you feel that chakra spike about fifteen minutes ago? It was _huge_! I did some calculations and – "

Naruto was tired. He was emotionally drained, his nerves were in tatters, and his stress level was over the moon. It was a miracle that he'd managed to hold it together so far as well as he had. He turned in the direction of the new voice. He saw pale skin, purple eye shadowing, yellow eyes. He saw red.

"You _BASTARD_!" Itachi and Sasori barely managed to stop him as he lunged at Orochimaru with all his might.

"Holy shit! He _is_ Kitsune! His eyes are red!"

"Kisame, put that guy down and give us a hand here!"

"You bastard! You pedophilic, snake-breathing bastard! GIVE SASUKE BACK!" Naruto strained against the three sets of arms holding him back.

"Um, did somebody call me? Is it too much to ask to have one shower without somebody screaming my name in the middle of it?" Sasuke emerged from one of the side halls that branched off from the huge room. He had a towel around his shoulders, and his hair was still dripping. His chest and feet were bare as he'd only bothered to put on a pair of dark blue pants. Naruto's muscles relaxed at the sight of him, and his jaw went slack. All the rage and fire of the Kyuubi's chakra receded. Sasuke casually lifted the towel to rub his hair dry as he stood there, exposing his left shoulder which was pale and smooth and unmarked.

"You're– You're okay…. You're not curse sealed…," Naruto mumbled in a daze. Now the arms that had been restraining him were the only thing keeping him upright.

"So, what's going on?" asked Sasuke, raising an eyebrow as he continued to towel his hair dry. "What was all that ruckus about, Aniki?"

"I'm not exactly sure. We found these two on our patrol in the forest after that huge spike of chakra earlier. This one," Itachi tilted his head to indicate Naruto, "is Kitsune but not Kitsune. And this one," Itachi hesitated as he looked to where Kisame had lain Kakashi on the ground. He bit his bottom lip and turned to Orochimaru. "Rochi-san, you remember what happened to the Yondaime's team?"

An expression of grief passed across Orochimaru's face, and Naruto noticed that, like Itachi, Kisame, and Sasori, Orochimaru looked different. His long hair was streaked liberally with gray and pulled back into a thick braid except for long bangs that trailed down into his eyes. His clothes were simple – a sleeveless, crisscross shirt, a wide sash around his waist, plain pants, bandages wrapped around his calves, standard shinobi sandles, and a weapons pouch strapped to his right thigh. There was also a strangely open, honest look to his face that made the exact same features that Naruto had seen before appear friendlier.

Orochimaru nodded.

"Of course, how could I forget? It happened right before I left."

"They were all dead, weren't they?" Itachi asked, a hint of pain in his voice. "And it was really them? No fakes?"

"No, Tsunade-chan and I checked the bodies ourselves. Why?"

"Because the other one is Kakashi Hatake."

Yellow eyes widened. Sasuke was gaping as well.

"No way!"

Orochimaru was beside Kakashi in an instant. Naruto didn't even bother struggling – he was too exhausted and confused. None of this made any sense. Maybe this was some sort of screwed up dream. But if that were the case, the rasengan or ramen should have made at least one appearance by now. Maybe even a song and dance number. Not even Naruto's subconscious was _this_ creative.

Orochimaru peered at Kakashi's face, checked his pulse, and then held his hands out about a foot above the Copy-nin's still form, palms down, with a focused look on his face. His hands glowed blue. Naruto was fairly sure that it was a technique he'd seen Sakura and Tsunade-bachan use before to feel a person's chakra. Orochimaru sat back on his heels and rested his chin on his fist. He was silent a few moments longer before his eyes lit up.

"Of course! That's it!" He bounded, literally _bounded_, to his feet. "This explains everything! It fits my calculations perfectly! Such an intense, localized chakra spike would boil space and make a hole and– wow! This is great! I never thought I'd see it in my lifetime – "

Naruto thought his jaw might fall off. Orochimaru was babbling. Enthusiastically. With a huge grin on his face. Naruto was fairly sure that it was the scariest thing that he'd ever seen. He was going to have nightmares for _weeks_.

"_What_ explains everything, Rochi-kun?" interrupted Kisame. Naruto could have practically hugged him in gratitude.

"They're from an alternate reality. A parallel universe. That spike of chakra earlier was them arriving!"

There was a moment of silence.

"As ludicrous and farfetched as that sounds, that actually explains almost – no, _every_thing," Itachi admitted slowly, though still looking as though his logical side was having troubles accepting the idea.

"So, he's Kitsune from an alternate reality?" asked Kisame, scrunching up his face.

"My name is _not _Kitsune – it's Naruto Uzumaki," grumbled Naruto. Honestly, he should have seen this coming. All the weird shit always happened to him.

"So, Naruto-kun," Orochimaru leaned in eagerly, "what's it like in your world? Who's the Hokage?"

"Tsunade-bachan is the Godaime Hokage." Naruto frowned at the circle of startled faces around him. "What?"

"Your Hokage isn't," Itachi hesitated, "Iruka Umino?"

"What? Hell no! Iruka-sensei teaches at the Academy! Why the hell would he be Hokage?"

"_Teaches_?" gasped Kisame. "They let that psychopath teach kids?"

"Psychopath? Iruka-sensei is one of the nicest people I know! Everybody loves him! He saved my life, and he buys me ramen!"

There was another brief burst of silence as the five men blinked at him in shock.

"Wow. Talk about 'alternate,'" muttered Kisame finally.

"Um, maybe we should explain a little bit of the history of our reality," put in Sasuke. He paused. "How far back should I go?" He looked to Itachi for help.

"After the Kyuubi attack – that's when everything started to fall apart."

"Alright then. I assume that the Yondaime Hokage, Minato Namekaze, died saving Konoha from destruction in your world as well?" Naruto nodded. "Well, after the Yondaime died, the Sandaime took control of the village again. Things weren't great, but they were alright. Konoha was in a huge economic slump after the massive blows of the war with Rock and the Kyuubi attacking in such quick succession. But there was one ray of hope that everyone clung to. Before the Yondaime died, he'd had the chance to train one team. Obito Uchiha, Kakashi Hatake, and Rin Rikoona. By the time they were fifteen, they were all jounin and quickly gaining a reputation for their amazing teamwork skills. People were whispering that they might be the next sannin. Then, about five years after the Kyuubi attacked," Sasuke paused. "Some people think that seeing his parents die in front of him when the Kyuubi attacked when he was eleven made Iruka snap. Others think that he was just born that way – with a terrifying thirst for power. Either way, when Iruka Umino was sixteen, he slaughtered the Yondaime's team while they were on a mission and hung their bodies from the village gates. Not long after that, he and Danzo led a coup against the Sandaime. The Sandaime was killed, and Danzo became the next Hokage. He was only Hokage for two years before Iruka killed him and took over as the Rokudaime and went back to war with Rock. That war ended three years later and Rock has been under Konoha's control ever since."

Naruto's jaw was in danger of falling off again. He was trying to line up his mental image of Iruka-sensei with the psychopathic mass murderer Sasuke had just described. It wasn't working.

"Well, that was a depressing little history lesson," Kisame sighed. He glanced at Naruto whose eyes were glazed over. He waved a hand up and down in front of Naruto's face. Nothing happened. "Hey, Sasuke-kun! I think you broke his mind!"

Itachi punched him in the shoulder without even looking.

"Don't sound so enthusiastic about it."

"From what I gathered from what he said before, it doesn't sound like our organization has such a noble cause where he comes from," Sasori commented. "He said that I had died when Deidara and I made an attempt on Kazekage-sama's life."

"Weird," muttered Sasuke.

Naruto didn't hear them. His brain was too busy with error messages along the lines of 'does not compute.'

"Kisame, you should probably take Kakashi-sempai to the medical ward to get that head wound looked at."

"Aw, why do _I_ have to? This is the most interesting thing that's happened in _weeks_!"

"You're the best size for carrying people," Itachi shot back.

"I hate it when you use my height against me," Kisame grumbled, but nevertheless moved to scoop up Kakashi once more. The most protest Naruto could muster to this through his daze was to flop one hand vaguely in Kakashi's direction. He was in a reality where the Akatsuki were a bunch of rebels/freedom fighters and Iruka-sensei was holding evil tyranny over Konoha. Just when he thought he'd seen it all….

"Uh, Rochi-san? Why don't you give him a tour of the base?" suggested Sasuke, straightening up from the casual slouch he'd slowly slumped into while he'd been talking before. "I'm going to finish getting dried off and dressed and then I'll come and help you with it."

Orochimaru grinned brightly.

"That's a _great_ idea!"

_A/N: Orochimaru's reference to the chakra spike "boiling space" is actually based on one of Einstein's theories wherein he speculated that people could travel to other universes if they were able to boil space. He was referring to outer space, but I tweaked the idea to my own means. That's right – I combined Naruto with theoretical physics. I'm just that awesome._

_If anyone's interested, I have done illustrations of some of the characters from the alternate reality and posted the links to them on my profile page._


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Thank you, thank you, thank you to all those wonderful people who reviewed! Getting a review always makes my day and comments have often inspired future chapters of stories. I can't thank you enough for your encouragement and enjoyment of the story so far. _

_On another note, I feel I should mention that I am only intimately familiar with Naruto cannon through the deaths of Hidan and Kakuzu. After that, my knowledge of the cannon events is mostly sketchy and secondhand. So I'm not going to try to stick strictly to cannon for Naruto's original reality. _

_**Chapter Three **_

"This is the first room of the base we ever opened." Orochimaru shouldered open a door and Naruto peered into the darkness beyond. He couldn't make out much in the dim illumination cast by the open door but there appeared to be a series of statues lined up against the far wall. "We think it's haunted by the vengeful ghost of the Sandaime!"

Naruto blinked and raised an eyebrow.

"Why?"

"Because of all the monkey carvings! They weren't there when Suna originally abandoned this base at the end of the Third Shinobi War. Also, anytime anybody goes in there, something falls on their head."

"This base used to belong to Suna?"

"Oh, yes – Kazekage-sama was kind enough to tell us its location when the Inuzukas finally tracked down our last base. This is much nicer than living in tents in a cave! It's even got plumbing and electricity!"

"So you're allied with Suna then?"

"Yup!" Orochimaru pulled the door to the creepy monkey room shut and then patted the doorknob. "Just remember not to go in there by yourself because if Sensei's vengeful ghost does attack you, we might not be able to hear your screams and get to you in time!"

"Okay…." Naruto shifted uncomfortably. Orochimaru _beamed_ at him. He didn't care if this _was_ some sort of alternate universe-reality-thingy. It was still creepy as hell. Orochimaru was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet. Naruto had never met anybody (aside from himself) who was so intrinsically cheerful before.

"Come on! I'll show you where our medical ward is!"

Naruto practically had to run to keep up with the bouncing snake summoner. Or maybe he wasn't a snake summoner. Maybe in this reality he had a different summons. Naruto's head hurt, and he did his best to derail that trail of thought. He was having enough troubles wrapping his mind around the fact that he was in the middle of the Akatsuki base being given an enthusiastic personal tour by Orochimaru.

"So this is our medical ward – it's not very big because being a revolutionary doesn't pay very well. But at least we have one! And there's Kashi-kun on the bed in the corner over there – still unconscious, I see. Well, hopefully he should be waking up soon! Ooo! And _this_," Orochimaru reached behind a curtain and hauled a protesting somebody out, "is Kabuto! Isn't he cute? He's our best medic! I found him when he was six and taught him almost everything he knows!" Orochimaru had his arms around the younger man in a tight hug.

Kabuto's silver hair was cropped short, but he still wore the same, round, wire-rimmed glasses as the version Naruto knew. The spectacles had slid halfway down his nose. He tilted his head back to look at Orochimaru.

"Orochimaru-sama, I'm in the middle of some rather important blood test," Kabuto stated calmly, completely unruffled by the abrupt interruption. Naruto got the feeling that this sort of thing happened a lot.

"Gah! How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me that! It makes me feel old! Well," Orochimaru amended, glancing up at the long, graying bangs that fell down into his eyes, "older than I already am." He seemed to consider his own statement for a moment, his head tilted slightly to one side. "Maaa! You're so adorable!" His eyes curved up happily, and he increased the intensity of his hug from tight to bone crunching.

"Oi, Rochi-kun. Ease up on the kid before you smother our only medic."

Naruto spun at the unexpectedly familiar voice and gaped as Orochimaru loosened hi death grip on Kabuto.

"Aw, Zaza – you're no fun!"

"Don't call me that – I'm one of the seven legendary swordsmen, not a fluffy, white rabbit. It's demeaning." Zabuza Momochi stood in the entrance of the medical ward, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed. He shifted his lean against the doorframe slightly so that he could give Naruto a speculative glance. "Who's blondie?"

Naruto bristled, but Orochimaru jumped in before he could snap at the swordsman.

"This is Naruto! And due to a long explanation which you won't pay attention to anyway, he's from an alternate reality!"

Zabuza raised one eyebrow.

"Well, that's different." He didn't seem inclined to say any more on the subject.

"So, uh, is Haku around here, or did you two not end up working together in this reality?" Naruto had liked Haku. It would be nice to see a friendly face. Or, at least, a face that had been friendly in this world as well.

"He's still asleep – he didn't get in from his mission last night until 3AM."

"Ooo! You know Zaza and Haku-chan in your world, too?"

"Don't call him 'chan.'"

"But he's too pretty to call 'kun' and, besides, he cross-dresses."

Zabuza sighed long-sufferingly as Orochimaru turned his attention back to Naruto.

"Uh, yeah, I did." Naruto squirmed. Man, this was awkward. "Zabuza was, uh, the missing-nin hired to kill our client on my gennin team's first C-ranked mission. He, um, tried to kill Kakashi-sensei, and Haku sacrificed his life to save Zabuza when Kakashi-sensei used the chidori. Then he died avenging Haku and killing the gangsters who hired him."

Zabuza looked rather perturbed by this information.

"Ah, Zaza, you were a bad boy in the alternate universe!"

"Obviously that version of myself lacked the same set of morals that I have." Zabuza gave Naruto a nod and then left as quietly as he had come. Kabuto had used the distraction to escape Orochimaru's clutches and get back to his blood tests.

"Rochi-jiji, if you're just going to babble, please go and do it elsewhere. It makes it very hard to concentrate," stated Kabuto, peering intently into a microscope before pulling a pen from his lab coat pocket and making some notes on his clipboard.

"You called me 'old man!'" exclaimed Orochimaru. "Maaa! You're so cute!" He gave Kabuto's shoulders a quick glomp and then dragged Naruto out of the medical ward after him. "Sooooo, Kashi-kun was your jounin sensei?" Naruto just nodded. Orochimaru laughed. "That must have been something to see! Kakashi Hatake trying to work with children!"

In retrospect, Naruto was inclined to agree with him. Aside from his knowledge of the sharingan, Kakashi really hadn't been the best candidate as a teacher. He really hadn't had the first clue how to deal with three twelve year old gennin fresh out of the Academy. He just didn't seem to know how to relate to them. He'd taught them a lot about teamwork though.

While Naruto had been considering Kakashi's qualifications as a jounin sensei, he'd tuned out Orochimaru's babbling and hadn't really been paying attention to where they were going. He really should have been, but his brain wasn't yet at the functioning capacity where it could handle multitasking again, yet. Naruto blinked and tuned back in as they stopped in front of a set of double doors.

"And _this_," announced Orochimaru, pushing open the double doors with a flourish, "is where we eat!" A long table surrounded by benches stood in the middle of the room. "We used to eat in the kitchen, but these days there are just too many of us, and Tobi-tan kicked us out because it was getting too crowded."

A figure was hunched over at the far end of the table all but hidden by a tidal wave of blond hair, part of which was pulled up into a high ponytail. The curtain of hair covered the figure's head and shoulders so well that, at the distance and angle Naruto was at, he couldn't even tell if the person was male or female. There was something disturbingly familiar about that ponytail, though…. Where had he seen it before?

"Dei-kun!" exclaimed Orochimaru happily. Naruto was beginning to seriously doubt that the alternate Orochimaru was capable of any other sort of frame of mind. "Come say hello to Naruto! He's from an alternate reality!"

'Dei-kun' looked up, and Naruto suppressed the hot flash of rage that instantly bubbled in his stomach when he recognized the face.

"Alternate reality? Rochi-kun, have you been drinking that special tea that Tobi-baka makes for Hidan again, un?"

Orochimaru pouted, adding to the rapidly growing list of things that were going to be featuring in Naruto's nightmares for many months to come.

"Sushi-kun's hidden the key to the cupboard again and won't tell me where it is. Naruto-kun really is from an alternate reality! If you don't believe me, just ask Tachi-kun or Zaza! We have a man in our medical ward who's been dead for thirteen years!"

Deidara raised an eyebrow, looking completely unconvinced.

"So somebody's been messing around with resurrection jutsus again, un. It wouldn't be the first time."

"Dei-kun!" Orochimaru wailed, adding yet again to Naruto's mental list. "Why are you being so skeptical? Zaza believed me!"

"Zabuza-san probably just didn't feel like arguing the point with you, un."

"Ma! Grouchy artist! You're so mean!"

Deidara returned his attention to the device in his hands which he was making delicate adjustments to with quite possibly the smallest screwdriver Naruto had ever seen. Naruto recognized the device as the eye piece that the Deidara of his world had been wearing when he met him.

Orochimaru huffed as Deidara continued to pointedly ignore him and turned his attention back to Naruto.

"So, what was Dei-kun like in your world? Did you two ever meet?"

Naruto scowled at the other blond, doing his best to remind himself that this was not the same Deidara. The Deidara that Naruto had known was dead.

"Oh, yeah, we met. He and Sasori kidnapped Gaara so that they could extract Shukaku from him and killed Gaara in the process! If Chiyo-bachan hadn't used that forbidden jutsu to exchange her life for his…," Naruto trailed off as he felt the Kyuubi's chakra flare at the mere thought.

Deidara's hand spasmed, and the screwdriver slipped between his fingers to clatter across the wooden table top. His head whipped around, his eyes widening comically.

"Wh-What the hell was that, un? That was Kitsune's chakra! And how could you _possibly_ know about that jutsu, un?"

Orochimaru was beaming again.

"I told you, Dei-kun! He's from another reality! He's an alternate version of Kitsune! That huge chakra spike earlier was him and Kashi-kun arriving in our world!"

Deidara said nothing, just stared at Naruto with his mouth hanging open. The mouth on his face, that is – Naruto couldn't see the ones on his hands. Naruto shifted uncomfortably. He hated being gawked at and, out of all the Akatsuki members, he had always disliked Deidara the most – even more than he'd disliked Itachi. (After all, in his world, Orochimaru had already long since left Akatsuki before Naruto had ever even heard of them.) Naruto had never given particular thought as to _why_ he especially loathed Deidara. He wasn't the most powerful or even the creepiest of the Akatsuki. But if Naruto had really considered it, it probably had a lot to do with watching Deidara flying away, smirking, just out of Naruto's reach with Gaara's lifeless body hanging carelessly from his giant, clay bird's mouth. Even Sasori had had the decency to _die_ after Sakura was done with him, but Deidara had escaped.

Deidara tried opening his mouth a few times, but no sound came out. Orochimaru stepped forward and patted the speechless artist on the head.

"Don't worry, Dei-kun – you'll wrap your mind around it eventually!" Then he latched onto Naruto's wrist again. "Come on, Fishcake-kun! Next stop – the kitchen!"

"_Fishcake-kun_?" Naruto yelped indignantly as he was yanked off his feet and dragged away yet again.

"Of course! I give everybody nicknames! Even Leader-sama-kun, Angel-chan, and Wonder-kun! I just hadn't thought of one for you yet!"

"Who?" asked Naruto, completely baffled.

"Hm? Oh! Yahiko, Konan, and Nagato. They're out on a mission right now, but you'll be able to meet them once they get back!"

Naruto recognized one out of the three names. Who were Yahiko and Nagato? Maybe he'd just never met them in his reality.

The kitchen was remarkably tidy with a stack of clean dishes drying on the counter and miscellaneous magnets holding a hodgepodge of photographs to the avocado green door of the fridge. Naruto didn't get a chance to take a closer look at the photographs as Orochimaru hung back in the doorway and the hand still clamped around Naruto's wrist meant that he was attached. Naruto noticed a sign taped to the door of the kitchen written in black, uneven, block letters.

"Tobi's lair," Naruto read out loud, "Disturb at your own peril."

"Oh, Sushi-kun put that there after Zaza went rifling through the cupboards one night after a mission and left the kitchen a terrible mess. Tobi-tan went on strike and refused to cook for an entire week while he sought his terrible vengeance."

"Yeah, never piss off Tobi – normally he's harmless as a butterfly, but he _is_ a shinobi. When he gets mad, it's scary." Naruto turned to find Sasuke standing behind him. His dark hair was still damp but no longer dripping, and he'd added a dark, short-sleeved shirt and a vest that was left hanging open to his ensemble as well as a pair of standard shinobi sandals. His outfit was, in fact, remarkably similar to the one Itachi had been wearing. Naruto couldn't see a single Uchiha fan anywhere on Sasuke's clothes. "Another word of warning," added Sasuke, "don't touch the plant."

"Plant?" Naruto twisted to look in the direction Sasuke was pointing. An overgrown Venus Flytrap at least a foot and a half tall sat on its own little table under a growth light. A black ribbon with little white-lined, stylized red clouds was wrapped around its terra cotta pot and tied in a bow. Next to its pot, someone had placed a small sign that read, 'Beware of Plant.' "What the hell?"

"It's Tobi's pet potted plant that he put _way_ too much fertilizer on. He calls it 'Zetsu.' We all think it's well on its way to evolving consciousness. It rustles its leaves and makes a purring noise when Tobi rubs the bottom of one of its mouths and snaps at anybody else's fingers that stray too close. Thankfully, it still only eats flies, though. Kabuto says that if Konoha ever discovers our base, we'll inject it with a rapid mutation hormone and get Tobi to sic the result on them as a last ditch line of defense." Sasuke shuddered.

"Did you say its name was… Zetsu?" Naruto asked, still staring at the plant.

"Yes." Even Orochimaru was acting rather less chipper as he eyed the plant untrustingly.

Naruto's mouth twitched. Twitched again. Then Sasuke and Orochimaru watched in utter confusion as Naruto melted onto the floor in a puddle of hysterical laughter. Amongst the uncontrolled cackling, they were able to make out the words "Zetsu," "potted plant," "fertilizer," and "ribbon."

After ten solid minutes of Sasuke and Orochimaru staring and Naruto laughing, Naruto finally slowed down to hiccupping gasps. He sat up, wiping tears from his eyes.

"Oh, man – that was great! I think I might love this reality just a little bit!"

"What – " Sasuke started to ask. He was cut off by a scream and a panicked spike of chakra. The scream was feral and tainted with fear. It reminded Naruto if a cornered and wounded wild animal. All three shinobi stiffened and then took off down the hall in the direction of the chakra spike, the kitchen door banging shut behind them.

_A/N: Tahnks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it so far!_

_The suffix '-tan' is similar to '-chan' except it's an even 'cuter' form. _


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter Four**_

There was no shouting or yelling coming from the medical ward, but that wasn't necessarily a good sign. Naruto skidded around the corner and into the room a hair's breath before Orochimaru and Sasuke.

The bed that Kakashi had been lying in was empty, its sheets strewn halfway over one side. Kabuto and Itachi had their hands up in placating gestures, and Kabuto was giving his best shot at speaking in a soothing voice.

Kakashi was crouched with his back pressed hard into the corner. His right eye was wide, but even from this distance, Naruto could tell that it wasn't focusing and tracking properly. Without his hitai-ite, his closed, scarred left eye was left exposed and silver bangs splayed across his face, giving him an almost feral appearance. He was all but growling. Actually, no – he _was_ growling, just very softly. His teeth were bared in a snarl. And… Naruto stepped forward in shock. Kakashi was shaking ever so slightly. The kunai clutched in his hand was trembling. Naruto had never seen his teacher lose his calm so completely. It was understandable, though, what with the head injury, alternate universe, unconsciousness, and… waking up… with Kabuto and Itachi… standing… over… him…. And Orochimaru had just walked in. Ah, _shit_.

"You," Naruto pointed at Orochimaru and then the door, "out."

"What?" Orochimaru's eyes widened.

"We can discuss what a creepy bastard alternate you is later. For now, out!"

Orochimaru slunk out the door, his lower lip protruding in a pout.

"You two!" Itachi and Kabuto glanced at him while both still keeping one eye on Kakashi. "Yes, both of you – please, back off. Both alternate versions of yourselves were not particularly nice people either. So back off before he gets it together and goes ANBU on you and sticks that kunai in your skulls. He will do it. I've _seen_ him do it." Itachi and Kabuto both slowly and obediently backpedaled. Naruto was incredibly impressed with how well he was handling this situation. All this calm levelheadedness – must be Hinata's good influence finally rubbing off on him. He crouched down in front of his disoriented teacher. "Kakashi-sensei. Hey, Kakashi-sensei." Naruto waited for the one hazy gray eye to focus on him. "It's me, Naruto. We're safe. These guys aren't exactly who you think they are. They haven't so much as harmed a hair on my head." The sound of Naruto's voice seemed to be getting through to him. His teeth were no longer bared and – Hold on a minute, _teeth bared?_ Kakashi's mask was down! Naruto was actually looking at Kakashi's face! He just barely suppressed the urge to pump his fist in the air and shout in triumph. Now was really not the opportune moment. Both Sakura and Hinata would have been impressed by his restraint. "They haven't even damaged your pervy book." Naruto reached over to where Kakashi's jounin vest lay crumpled on the ground and slowly eased the brightly colored book out of its pocket. "See? Even your porn is safe. If you want to be doubly sure, just take a quick look with your other eye."

Kakashi stared at his copy of _Icha Icha Violence_ in Naruto's hand for a moment, the closed his right eye and opened his left. The red iris of the sharingan took in the room and its occupants.

"What?" That sounded like Itachi.

"Holy shit!" Definitely Sasuke.

"Fascinating…." Kabuto, and very unhelpful.

Kakashi's muscles finally relaxed, and his shoulders slumped forward as he slid the last few inches to the floor. He leaned back against the wall, both eyes closed.

"This is all an incredibly messed up dream, right? Any second now, I'm going to wake up with a really nasty concussion and Tsunade glaring at me, preparing to launch into a tirade about what an idiot I am and how I really need to take better care of myself."

Naruto laughed awkwardly.

"Uh, nope – this isn't a dream. I already thought of that. We're in an alternate universe!"

Kakashi opened his right eye half way and gave Naruto his best blank-but-definitely-not-impressed look.

"An alternate universe," he repeated flatly.

"Yup! In this world, the Akatsuki are the good guys, Konoha is well on its way to becoming an evil empire under the rule of Iruka-sensei, the psychotic Rokudaime Hokage, you're dead, and it sounds like I turned out like pre-chuunin-exams-Gaara two point oh."

Kakashi blinked and stared at Naruto for a moment, his mouth hanging open slightly.

"You know what? I think I believe you. Nobody's imagination is that good."

"I find that rather insulting," stated Itachi mildly. "And where did you get that eye?"

"Huh?"

"That sharingan. You're not an Uchiha. You weren't born with it. Where did you get it?"

Kakashi eyed Itachi for a long moment before replying.

"It was a parting gift. From a teammate."

"Nobody's ever successfully transplanted a sharingan before," muttered Kabuto, scribbling furiously on his ever present clipboard, pausing occasionally to push his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

"Who transplanted a sharingan?" Orochimaru asked, popping his head back around the doorframe. "Ah! Kashi-kun! You aren't growling anymore!" Before anyone could so much as blink, Orochimaru was across the room with his arms around Kakashi and his cheek planted against the top of his silver hair. "Maaa, Kashi-kun! I've missed you and Bito-kun and RinRin-chan so much! I've even missed Bito-kun stealing my socks! It's so nice to know that you're still alive and all grown up in an alternate reality!"

Kakashi had frozen stiff the instant contact was first made, his right eye wide and staring straight ahead.

"Uh, Rochi-san?" Itachi finally put in after a few awkward minutes.

"Hmm?" Orochimaru was rubbing his cheek against a thoroughly traumatized looking Kakashi's hair.

"Maybe you should let go now."

"Why?"

"Remember Naruto's initial reaction to you?"

"You mean with the red eyes and the screaming?"

"Yes. I don't think you were a very nice person in their reality, so I don't think that you hugging him is that pleasant of an experience."

Orochimaru's arms sprang open, and he quickly retreated several steps. He flapped his hands up and down.

"Sorry! Sorry, Kashi-kun! It's just, I haven't seen you in so long, and last time I did you were dead, and it was very, very sad, and now you're here, and you're alive, and I just got excited!" Orochimaru babbled, his arms locking around Kabuto who ignored him and kept on scribbling on his clipboard. He rested his chin on the medic's shoulder.

Kakashi's right eye twitched.

"Yeah, that was about my reaction, too, once he started talking," Naruto nodded in sympathy.

Kakashi sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose with one hand. He froze again as his fingers met with skin instead of the material of his mask. In one deft but hasty movement, he yanked the mask back up into place. Kabuto paused in his scribbling and glanced up.

"I apologize for the invasion of privacy, but it was impeding your breathing."

Kakashi sighed again and Naruto thought that he practically drooped. He eyed Itachi, who stared back impassively, his arms folded, then Kabuto, who had gone back to industriously scribbling notes, and then Orochimaru, who was wrapped around Kabuto like a scarf with personal space issues.

"This is going to take some getting used to," he muttered. Then he noticed the final person in the room. "Sasuke? What are you doing here?"

Naruto had almost forgotten about Sasuke's presence. He glanced over at him. Just looking at the alternate version of his best friend all not psychotic and vengeance seeking and curse-marked made him feel a little glow of warmth inside his stomach.

"Uh, I live here. I've been with Akatsuki ever since Aniki got disowned and took me with him when he ran away from Konoha and Kisame and Zabuza found us."

"Disowned?" Naruto asked.

Itachi nodded.

"I was a little too… open about my opinion of the newly appointed Rokudaime, and the Uchiha clan feared the punishment they might receive for being associated with me. So they disowned me. I couldn't very well leave my little brother behind in a place like that, so I took him with me when I escaped."

Sasuke grinned.

"Aniki's the best like that."

Kabuto stopped scribbling notes and slid his pen back into the breast pocket of his lab coat.

"Rochi-jiji, please let go – I need to check Kakashi-san's eyes and vitals now that he's awake and calmed down."

"Maa! So cute and so formal! How could I say no?" Orochimaru let go and ruffled Kabuto's hair. Naruto could tell that Kakashi was forcing himself not to make a break for it as Kabuto knelt down in front of him and pulled out a penlight.

"I need to check your pupil reaction and make sure that neither of them is blown out. You had a rather nasty head wound and were unconscious for a fairly long time, though that's probably due to the fact that your chakra is low. Please do not attempt to attack me this time." Kakashi sat obediently still as Kabuto shone the light in his right eye and then, after some prodding and reluctance, in his left. His reflexes almost got the better of him, though, when Kabuto brought hands glowing with green chakra up to check his head. "A few good nights' rest and some food and you'll be fine. Though it'd go even faster if you turned that sharingan off. Even when it's not in active use, it seems to be depleting a significant portion of your chakra."

"It doesn't turn off."

"Interesting," muttered Kabuto as he headed back in the direction of the blood tests Naruto had seen him working on earlier. So far the equipment in the medical ward was the most advanced Naruto had seen anywhere on the base.

"Have you seen Tobi-tan recently?" Orochimaru asked, turning to Sasuke.

"It's vacuuming day," stated Sasuke as if this explained everything. Apparently, it did. Orochimaru's eyes lit up.

"Oh, yeah! Wait – it's Vacuuming Day again already?"

Sasuke shrugged.

"Time flies when you're fighting a revolution."

"Wow! I thought it wasn't at least for another two days!" Orochimaru was starting to bounce with excess energy again. "Come on, Fishcake-kun! You need to meet Tobi-tan!"

Naruto was giving Kakashi a hand to his feet. He handed over the brightly colored Icha Icha book that he'd been holding. Kakashi took the book and then followed as Orochimaru dragged Naruto out of the medical ward, snagging his jounin vest from the ground and putting it back on. Sasuke and Itachi trailed after them as well, leaving Kabuto to his blood tests.

"What're you reading?" asked Sasuke, leaning over and trying to get a better look at the cover of Kakashi's book. Kakashi had started reading as he walked almost as soon as he'd gotten his jounin vest back on. Naruto supposed it was his strange sensei's way of dealing with the shock and stress of the unexpected twist events of the past few hours had taken. There was comfort in the known.

Kakashi closed the volume, leaving his finger in to mark his place, and held it up so that Sasuke could see the front. His eyes curved into cheerful arcs.

"A very good book."

Sasuke tilted his head to one side.

"That's Jiraiya-sama's penname! But I don't recognize the title…."

Naruto could practically _see_ Orochimaru's ears prick up.

"One of Jirairai's books?" He let go of Naruto's wrist and back peddled to take a better look. "Eh? 'Icha Icha Violence'? He wrote another one in your reality, did he?"

"Another one?" Naruto asked. "Those pervy things are the only thing that Ero-sennin writes!"

Orochimaru blinked.

"What – no 'Warrior's Heart' series?" he asked.

"The what in the who now?"

"The Warrior's Heart series," Orochimaru repeated. "Originally, Jirairai was going to call the first one 'The Tale of the Gutsy Ninja' but then we had a chat about what constitutes a good title and he changed it to 'The Warrior's Heart.' It was an overnight best seller. He did write one book called 'Icha Icha Paradise,' but almost nobody bought it. I got to edit it, though," he grinned. "Tsunade-chan was _so_ mad when she found out… she punched us both through a wall!" Orochimaru smiled reminiscently. "Ah, good times – it was worth it."

_A/N: Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear what you thought! _

_I'm sorry there was such a long gap in between chapters this time. I have tendonitis in my right wrist and forearm (aka my dominant hand and arm) which makes writing and typing at times painful, and sadly for the moment essays and papers out prioritize my own personal writing (a very frustrating thing indeed). But do not fear! Even if updates are slow in coming, they are coming! I have a fair amount of this story written out by hand already – I just need to have the time and energy to type it! Thanks again for reading!_


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